I can’t escape ZINA, help.
Hello,
I will keep this as short as possible and as honest as possible.
I am a 20 Year old guy and I can’t get married until I reach 27-28 years old because of various factors (I am going to study abroad, start my business and do a lot of things) meaning that I won’t have the time/money to get married, plus parents won’t give their daughters to people with no car/house/stable income so it’s really out of the way until then.
HOWEVER, I feel that I have HUGE issues (I always want to commit Zina) and I have a lot of success with women, but I don’t know how I will survive 7-8 more years without doing it (especially since I will be moving from a muslim to non muslom country where Zina is extremely common)
*Masturbation* in no longer enough, I always did it to relieve myself from committing Zina, but at this point it no longer enough (there is a part about watching these websites below, please stay realistic)
I need to go there because Muslim country’s economies are terrible*
Please mention REAL solutions, here is what I tried:
DUA
FASTING (Even Ramdan doesn’t help that much)
Not talking to them (they usually contact me, but again because of my studies/work I am always around them)
Not staying alone with one (again, almost impossible but when I move it’ll be impossible to avoid)
Things that should be mentioned:
Even if Islam bans this, we can see that it is a REAL issue especially since 6/10 countries that watches the most ‘online sexual content’ are muslim majority countries, with Pakistan topping the list every year (please keep this in mind) and Saudi Arabia is also on that list.
Please let me know if you have any REAL advice for people like me.
Answer
Assalāmuʿalaykum Wa Raḥmatullāhi Wa Barakātuh
Allāh ﷻ says:
“He (Allāh) burdens no soul with more than it can bear”. [al-Qur’ān 2:286]
Based on the aforementioned verse, it is imperative to understand that no matter how many cravings a person has and how tempted and inclined he may be towards Zinā, Allāh has not made it impossible for him to refrain.
It cannot be said that because the solutions offered by the Sharīʿah did work for you that they are not considered to be ‘real’ solutions. These are not magical acts whereby a person merely fasts or makes Duʿā and that solves his problem and grants him resistance.
Instead, they should be done with true meaning in that they are the tools of protection from Zinā, and together with that, the key is to know and be fully aware at all times that Allāh ﷻ is watching you and that you have to account for every deed before Him on the Day of Judgement.
In other words, the solution to your problem lies with you, and with you only – how much willpower are you going to build to stay away from Zinā? How strong will you be to stay away despite your temptation towards it? Knowing that there are many out there in the same situation and amongst them are those who have coped with the situation in the best possible manner, what stops you from achieving the same? Wherever a person may be in the world, there are temptations all over, just that they are more easily accessible in some places over others, but what makes you feel like you are going to be put in a worse situation than the rest? How would you feel about marrying a beautiful Ḥalāl spouse when you are 27-28 whilst being guilty of Zinā? What enjoyment would remain for you in that marriage? More so, how would you feel if Allāh ﷻ, your Creator, has to ask you on the Day of Reckoning, “Why have you transgressed my supreme commands and committed Zinā?”, how then will you answer to Allāh ﷻ. And with all of this, just imagine if Allāh had no mercy and had to expose your sins to all those around you and everyone, including your parents, could see such acts being committed by you? It is only the mercy of Allāh ﷻ that he has concealed your sins thus far. Therefore, in appreciation of His mercy, give it your best shot in trying to abstain. You are going to have to try your best to just stay away from such acts. Yes, if you slip up in the process, immediately repent and turn back to Him and try again. But do not give up. In Shā Allāh, one day, you will get it right.
Apart from changing your mindset and becoming stronger against your carnal desires for Allāh’s pleasure only and for your eternal salvation, you should try your very best to practice abstention from both Zinā and masturbation. This may be achieved by setting goals and milestones for yourself and slowly working towards complete abstinence. For example, try going for two weeks without it, and then work towards another two weeks, and then increase your abstention period to three weeks and see how that goes, and so on and so forth.
Also, it does not mean that because you are not financially stable at present that you cannot get married. In Shā Allāh, you will find a good spouse. But first, put in some effort, tame your inner self, and take it from there.
We ask Allāh ﷻ to help you, assist you, forgive you and guide you, and to grant you a pure life and chaste spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this world and in the hereafter.