high risk of having gay children, should I divorce ?
Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
First, I don’t really know where to start or to phrase all of this due to the emotional conflict/damage, overthinking, stress all I’m about to say has on me and my mental health…
I’m a freshly married muslim, I really love my wife (also muslim) and the life we start building. I want to mention that we both are practicing muslims with strong beliefs in islam. We were both raised in conservative families and had a happy upbringing. My wife really want kids. We always had plans to have a big family with many children and continue to live a normal happy life according to our beliefs in islam.
Just writing this made me emotional…and I’m not even a sensitive person.
Here starts the drama. We (me and my wife) recently discovered that her brother (my brother in law) is homosexual. It was a shock to me. To be honest, I consider myself as a homophibic. It is stronger than me, It is like it is deeply instilled in me. I can’t understand how a man can be attracted to another man. To me it’s not even a possibility. My wife was also in shock, she tried to hide it but eventually she breaked down when she saw an old family photo portaying her brother when he was like 6. She is so strong and I can’t watch her going trough that without having the possibility to do anything.
My wife always had suspicions about her brother. She also told me that she is pretty sure her uncle is also gay. I’m also pretty sure he is gay due to diffirent reasons I won’t reveal here. We also have serious suspicions that one of her dad’s cousin is gay. Those two uncles seems to hide it, and from what I’ve understood are practicing muslim and fighting their homosexual urges.
Don’t judge me please, here is what was going in my mind : 3 homosexuals in only two generations is a lot. It has to be genetic.
I started googling and reading every possible scientific paper on the subject. Is it genetic (nature) or environemental (nurture) ? I’ve been obsessed with this question. From my undestanding, genetic is palying a big role in sexual orientation. The environement in the womb is also a key element in the sexual ortientation.
After this conclusion : I was destroyed. Since then, I don’t sleep well, I barely eat. My energy levels are low. I don’t feel like doing anything. I keep all of this inside me.
Here is the dillema. Knowing it is genetic, I don’t want to participate in spreading those genes, nor having to take the risk of having homosexual children. On the other side, I absoletly love my wife. She is a diamond to me. One of her dreams is to have children and raise them according to islam.
So here am I, wrinting on a forum, asking for help.
What should I do ? Divorce ? Ask for a second wife ? Refrain from having kids with my wife ?
Ya Allah, what am I supposed to do. This is too much for me to carry…
What I am supposed to do ? I’m here asking for advices.
Note that even if I consider myself as homophobic, I will never harm or insult a gay person. I treat them with respect as I would do with any other human being.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu a ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected brother in Islam,
It is very good to know that you and your wife love one another, are practicing Muslims and want to contribute to the society with children, the most important pillar of society.
May Allah the exalted protect us all from all sins. Aameen.
1: Sometimes, what the eyes sees, the ears hear is not the truth but even if it is make lots of sincere dua for your brother in law. Duas change fate.
if you have an influence over him, take him to religious gatherings because reminders benefit, try persuading him to change if he is open about them.
2: Suspicion is sin. Allah, the Exalted, says: “O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins.” (49:12). The Prophet said, ‘Do not be suspicious of your fellow men.
Do not make your life miserable by giving in to the devil’s tactics, depriving you of mental peace and sawab.
3: Urges do not define a person. People get different sin urges all the time and resisting them is taqwa ie piety. So if the uncle’s are already trying to pass their test, they are on the path of taqwa.
Lastly, it would be ruthless of you and sinful to divorce and a misfortune to not have children for others’ suspected private sins.
So the advise for you is to relax and enjoy your life. Make a big family.
Pray all the Sunnah duas before intimacy, on conception at childbirth and the whole life. Give your children a good loving, upbringing.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best.