Advice and question

Assalamu Alaikum Mufti. I really need advise on this. If you post the answer on your website please change the question abit

When I was younger I thought I wouldn’t be able to get married and also, I was addicted to something.

So, I made promises such as if I get married within 9 months of not leaving the sin and I do A, B, C etc while married then one talaq will take place. (I’ve confirmed with other Muftis of Hanafi Madhab).

I have tried my best to leave this sin but the most I get to is 3-4 months before going back to it. This 9 months seem impossible.

Due to this, I’ve decided to not get married as I’m pretty sure that I’ll fall into doing the actions I said that I won’t do. This is affecting me mentally. Also, my parents seem to always push this idea that I must get married and it hurts because I know the mistake I made by making such promises and I didn’t tell them about it. Whenever I think about this, I get upset and I don’t know what to do. I’m struggling with this. I realise that it is not easy to stay single in today’s times.

Also, I don’t really have any friends so being alone is hard. It makes it worst because then I think about having someone as a partner.

It’s been 2 years since I made the decision to not get married but it seems that the more time passes the more this affects me mentally.. Even if I ignore these thoughts of getting married, they always seem to be at the back of my head and its making me fall into the sin (which I supposed to leave for 9 months so that I can get married without problems) even more. I really don’t know what to do. Please advise

2. If the other madhabs say that conditional divorce before marriage doesn’t take place will it be fine to follow what they say?

JazakAllahu Khairan