Husband abandoned me
Salam aleykom,
In a nutshell, I’m a 37 year old lady. I got married about 8 years ago to the uae. My husband was very abusive both physically and psychologically. I never did anything to deserve what I went through. Long story short I couldn’t handle it anymore so took a flight and went back to my parents house in Jordan. I was pregnant at the time and after 9 months I gave birth to a beautiful boy. My husband got in touch with me once to try and reconcile shortly after the birth and sent his father to talk to mine but I wasn’t interested at all – I cant go back to that life. Ever since I have been supporting myself and my son financially. My son has never heard from or seen his father. It seems he wants nothing to do with him. He 100% knows where to find me and his son If he wanted to reach out. He doesn’t send us a penny and hasn’t since I left uae. He won’t divorce me and is happy seeing me in this state. My questions are:
1. Am I still married to this man in sight of the 4 month rule (talas I Bain)
2. Am I allowed to marry someone else?
3. If I get married to someone else will I lose custody of my son
4. will I be at fault if I leave the country to go to live with my sister in Europe and divorce him there so as to not lose custody?
thank you
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Wa ‘alaykum us-salāmu wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected sister,
May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala ease your matters.
Respected sister we would recommend that you sort your affairs as soon as possible. A mere separation between spouses does not constitute divorce in islam. It seems as your husband has not issued you any divorce. If that is the case you are still married to him and can not marry anyone else.
Life is a serious matter. It gets difficult for single parents and children from broken families.
Keeping in view, your husband tried to reconcile, we would suggest you contact him; to give your marriage a second chance if he is still interested and is possible for you to manage and work otherwise contact him for his financial obligations to his child.
Generally, in case of divorce the rights of custody of minors is awarded to the mother till age seven in case of a male child while till age nine for a female child. However, if the mother remarries her rights to custody are passed on to her mother ie the children’s maternal grand mother.
Once the age limit of seven and nine passes then the father gets the right of custody.
Apart from this general rule, the children’s overwhelming advantage plays an integral part in determining rights of custody.
Both parents have mutually agreed upon visitation rights when the child is not in their custody.
You can live anywhere but we would suggest you settle your affairs first.
May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala bless you with peace and happiness in both worlds.