Doubts about Islam and Allah in Ramadan

Salamaleykom

One day in Ramadan i was waiting for the bus then i saw dogs and i’m scared they are going to bite me, i told myself to have trust in Allah but then the doubts started. I was questioning myself about how do i know Allah exist so i could have trust in him. Then i began to think all day non stop even while at school. I was logically thinking about Allah’s existence.

So i told myself that there are 3 posibilties: A human, a animal or something else. Now we know that a animal can not make things. So we remove that out of the list. Than we have a human or something else. To know which is the creator, i started thinking about every object on earth like a car, a recycle bin, a chair. All these objects does have a creator en a purpose. So i have a purpose and a creator. A human cannot be a creator because no one is able to produce another human let alone creating a single brain cell.

This is how i reasoned but i still think of myself that my logic isn’t correct. There were some thoughts appearing like how could i know that my logic is true, what is logic? You’re going to laugh when you read this but it’s true.

I read in the next ayat in Surah Al-Baqarah:

خَتَمَ ٱللَّهُ عَلَىٰ قُلُوبِهِمْ وَعَلَىٰ سَمْعِهِمْ ۖ وَعَلَىٰٓ أَبْصَـٰرِهِمْ غِشَـٰوَةٌۭ ۖ وَلَهُمْ عَذَابٌ عَظِيمٌۭ ٧

Allah has sealed their hearts and their hearing, and their sight is covered. They will suffer a tremendous punishment.

Source: https://quran.com/page/3

صُمٌّۢ بُكْمٌ عُمْىٌۭ فَهُمْ لَا يَرْجِعُونَ ١٨

They are ˹wilfully˺ deaf, dumb, and blind, so they will never return ˹to the Right Path˺.

Source: https://quran.com/page/4

When i read these verses i thought that Allah wanted me to be dumb and sealing my heart. I’m so scared. I’m scared that i’m a disbeliever. I also wanted to marry a beautiful girl from the deen but i can’t because i’ dont know so much about the deen. And i’m scared that again i’m a disbelieve i’dont want this. There is so much confusion in my brain. The trust in everything is gone. When i want to learn something on the internet. I say to myself that the internet is full of false information. I also started to ask some Christians about what’s written in the bible. They are telling me that god came in Isa(Jezus). My heart refuses to believe in the knowledge they provide me. I also asked Allah that he can help me than i got a dream, and i regognized that these are quranic verses that are showing themself one by one but fast. I woke up for suhoor than is returned back to bed and then i dreamed about 2 spiders but some big ones fighting in our house i was scared and running away than they stopped and one spider was on my brothers head i did slowly go away but i felt i couldnt go away.

I don’t know what to do. Since i told myself that games are a waste of time and movies to. I just have nothing to do than only learning and learning. Learning about deen and other free time i learn about programming and electronics.

Sometimes when i get tired of searching for the truth i just again install a game. But then i delete it immedatatly because it has no benefit.

Please help me

Salamaleykom

Extra note: i’m sorry that my English is not that good because i’m not a someone born in a English speaking country.