My mom took my non-hijabi clothes without permission and wears them outside the house
Question
Assalamu Alaikum. Recently I became a hijabi, Alhamdulillah. I live with my parents, I’m not married and I’m not working yet. My mom’s a non-hijabi and she took some of my non-hijabi clothes (shorter dresses, t-shirts, tight clothes) from my wardrobe and she is wearing them outside the house. Some of the clothes she took in front of me while I calmly told her that even though I probably wouldn’t wear that particular piece of cloth, I couldn’t give them to her since it’s haram to help someone in sin, which she didn’t care about, while some clothes she took without even asking me, while I was asleep. I don’t even know anymore which clothes fall into which category of these two. Perhaps I’m at fault for not making a point clear and loud enough because I didn’t think as seriously about the issue of helping someone in sin back then, and also because I didn’t want to be disrespectful to my mom and I was quite insecure as a brand new hijabi. When I mentioned to her that those are my clothes and to return them to me, she told me those are her clothes, that she doesn’t have a lot to wear anyway, and that I just wear them around the house anyway. I tried talking to her, but mostly when I talk to my mom about rules in Islam she tells me she’s happy I put on the hijab, but that I shouldn’t think too much about it and that I can just be the same as before I put on the hijab. I’m distressed about this issue and I’m really afraid of Allah’s punishment, I don’t know what to do. Am I sinful for helping her in sin, do I get sins for every time someone sees her in those clothes? Also would I be sinful if I took these clothes back without her permission and destroyed them? Please help me to find a solution, and please mention if there are any differences of opinion regarding it in different school of thoughts.
Answer
Wa ‘alaykum as-salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuhu,
Firstly, I commend you for your dedication to wearing the Ḥijāb and your desire to adhere to Islamic principles. Your commitment to upholding Islamic values, even in challenging situations, is admirable.
Addressing Your Concerns:
- Responsibility and Sin:
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- You are not accountable for the actions of others, including your mother, particularly if you have clearly expressed your stance. Islam emphasizes personal accountability. Since you have communicated your concerns and attempted to prevent her from taking your clothes, you have fulfilled your duty to advise her.
- You are not sinful for her actions, as you have done your part to discourage her from using the clothes in a manner contrary to Islamic principles.
- Dealing with Your Mother’s Actions:
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- Respect and Communication: It is crucial to maintain respect while addressing your mother’s choice of attire.
- Continued Dialogue: Continue to communicate your concerns respectfully and gently. Emphasize your own religious commitment and the importance of not contributing to actions you believe to be sinful. In a calm manner, with a smile and soft tone, explain that you do not want to disrespect her but cannot be comfortable with your clothes being used in a way you believe is wrong.
- Education: Gently educate her on the importance of Ḥijāb and modesty in Islam. Share your personal journey and reasons for wearing the Ḥijāb, hoping to inspire her through your example.
- Supplication: Alḥamdulillāh, Allah has guided you. Now, implore and beg Allah to guide your mother and strengthen her faith. Without judging her, cry for her before her Creator.
- Retrieving Your Clothes:
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- Seek Permission: Taking back the clothes without her permission and destroying them may create further conflict and be seen as disrespectful. It is important to handle this situation with wisdom, diplomacy and patience.
- Alternative Solutions: Instead of taking them back without permission, try explaining that you’d like to keep certain clothes for yourself. Perhaps you can offer to help her find new clothes that are more modest.
- Seek Mediation: If necessary, involve a trusted family member or a local religious leader to mediate and provide guidance. They might help explain your perspective in a way that your mother can better understand and accept.
- Differences of Opinion:
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- Different Islamic scholars and schools of thought may have varying opinions on specific issues, but the core principles of advising against sin and maintaining respectful familial relationships remain consistent.
- The general consensus is that you should advise against sin while maintaining respect for your parents. As long as you have made your stance clear and continue to advise respectfully, you are not held accountable for their choices.
- Seek Divine Guidance:
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- Continue to make Du‘ā (supplication) for guidance and ease in this matter. Ask Allāh to soften your mother’s heart and guide her towards understanding and accepting the principles of modesty and Ḥijāb.
- Perform Istikhārah for additional clarity and guidance on how to proceed in this situation.
Conclusion:
You have shown great dedication to your faith and a strong commitment to upholding Islamic values. Continue to advise your mother with kindness and respect, offer practical solutions, and seek divine guidance through prayer and supplication. Trust that Allāh understands your intentions and will guide you through this challenge.
May Allāh grant you patience and success in your efforts to maintain your religious commitments and familial relationships.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows best.