Dealing with abusive father
Question
Assalamualaikum. My father, who claims to be a Muslim has been creating problems for my mother and me, maybe around 15 years.
He is an arrogant person, never claiming mistakes he made, I guess you could call him Pharaoh of 21 century.
I have always been scared to practice my religion in front of him, he was always mocking me and my mother for doing so.
I don’t know his mental state, and I’m not trying to expose his sins, but just so you can get an image of a person he is, I’ll tell you some information about him. He always mocks Allah ﷻ curses him on a daily basis, he claimed himself to be god,
You can’t tell anything to him he just doesn’t want to listen.
Recently he has been giving me a hard time prohibiting me to practice my religion, and if he finds me doing anything related to islam he will kick me out of the house.
I have been trying to pray secretly and It just hurts my heart knowing that, me, living in a Muslim country, with someone who says he’s a muslim, never prays and never does anything thats fard, could experience so much bullying, from your own father.
What are your tips and advices on this situation, and what will happen to him on judgement day.
Thank you!
Answer
Wa‘alaykum as-salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuhu,
I am deeply sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing with your father. I can only imagine how challenging and distressing this situation must be for you. Here are some tips and advice based on Islamic teachings:
- Seek Patience and Strength: Patience (Ṣabr) is highly emphasized in Islam during times of hardship. Allāh tests individuals in various ways, and enduring difficulties with patience and perseverance earns great reward. The Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his companions faced adversity, including opposition from their own families for adhering to Islam. Seek strength through prayer (Du‘a) and rely on Allah’s help in facing these challenges.
- Safety and Security: If openly practicing Islam puts you at risk of harm or being kicked out of the house, prioritize your safety. Islam encourages protecting oneself from harm, and seeking a safe environment may be necessary in extreme situations.
- Secretly Practice Your Religion: Since your father is prohibiting you from openly practicing Islam, continue to perform your prayers and other acts of worship secretly, ensuring it is done safely. Allah knows your intentions and sincerity.
- Kindness and Duas for Guidance: Continue to treat your father with kindness and respect, regardless of his behavior towards you. You are responsible for your actions, not his. Make sincere dua (supplication) for his guidance and forgiveness. Only Allāh can soften hearts and guide individuals to the right path.
- Avoid Confrontation: Arguing with someone who is not receptive may worsen the situation. Try to remain calm and respectful, even though it’s difficult.
- Seek Support: Reach out to trusted family members, friends, community members, or local scholars who may provide support or guidance. Sometimes having someone to talk to and seek advice from can be helpful.
- Focus on Your Actions: While you cannot control your father’s actions, you can control your own. Focus on strengthening your faith and practicing Islam to the best of your ability.
Regarding your father’s actions and what will happen on Judgment Day, that is ultimately known to Allāh alone. On the Day of Judgment, everyone will be held accountable for their deeds, and justice will prevail with Allah’s complete knowledge and wisdom.
May Allāh grant you strength, patience, and guidance during this challenging time.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows best.