Iddah period
Question
Asalaamalaykum, I wanted to have some advice on family problems I am recieving. I have recently gone through a divorce and was given talaaq, I was married for 10 years and went through emotional abuse aswell as physical abuse. I have two children with this man. After the talaq this person has contacted my brother and given false claims on me and my character without any source of proof and defamation of character for me and my friends aswell. Which has evolved in my family believing him as they don’t know what he is capable of and how manipulating he is. I am going through my iddah period and understand the rules but because I have special need child who is disabled and have behavioural issues and do not have any support from family to depend on I have to take my children out as they are struggling mentally. As advised from teacher specialist he has got extra needs which require him to have behavioural issues . During this difficult time to heal and take care of my own mental needs I have to take my children out. For their needs as my son has behaviour problems and could be autistic he has a really hard time staying in the house and triggers his moods tremendously unfortunately my family are not able to understand this and have argued with me when I am going through this difficult time. So I wanted to ask in this situation what is the best advice.
Answer
Wa’alaykum as-Salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuhu,
I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing. Navigating this situation requires a thoughtful approach. Here are some steps you might consider:
- Addressing Defamation and Family Relations:
- Clarification: Where possible, calmly and clearly explain the situation to your family. You may consider having a neutral mediator, such as a respected family member or counselor, assist in this communication.
- Focus on the Truth: Ensure that your actions and behavior remain consistent with your values and truth. This will help in maintaining your integrity in the face of false accusations.
- Navigating the Iddah Period:
- Compliance with Rules: Continue to adhere to the rules of Iddah, including not leaving the house without necessity. Ensure that any actions you take are within the boundaries of Islamic guidelines.
- Health and Safety: If leaving the house is essential for the well-being of your children and yourself, and there is no one else who can take your kids out, do so while maintaining your adherence to the rules of Iddah. For instance, make appointments plan visits or activities that are essential for your children’s needs while ensuring minimal disruption.
- Managing Your Children’s Needs:
- Professional Guidance: Follow the advice of specialists and therapists regarding your son’s needs. It’s crucial to ensure that his behavioral and emotional needs are met.
- Support Networks: Seek support from local organizations, support groups, or charities that focus on special needs children. They may offer practical help and emotional support.
- Routine and Environment: Try to create a stable and supportive environment for your children. This might include setting up routines and finding activities that help them cope with their challenges.
- Personal Well-Being:
- Self-Care: Prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being. Consider counseling or therapy to help you process your experiences and manage stress.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows best.