Obeying Husband in Matters Irrelevant To Him
Question
My husband sometimes asks me to do things that are irrelevant and do not affect him. For example, he wants me to change my bag or return it because he does not like the way it looks (because to him the design is ugly) and there is nothing haram about the bag/the color/design. Do I have to obey him even though I bought this bag with my money and I am the one using it and not him? In general, do I have to obey my husband relating to the items I have/own? Jazakallah for your help.
Answer
Wa‘alaykum as-salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuhu,
The relationship between spouses is based on mutual respect, kindness, and understanding. The Qur’ān emphasizes this in Sūrah ar-Rūm, verse 21: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
A wife is not required to obey her husband’s preferences regarding personal items she owns, especially when these preferences do not impact him directly or relate to any religious injunctions. This principle derives from the broader understanding of individual rights and personal autonomy in Islam. The wife should also consider whether the husband is actually commanding, or simply suggesting, requesting, or recommending.
Marriage involves compromise. If compromising on a colour or design of a bag contributes to a pleasant relationship, then it is worth considering his opinion. Maintaining marital harmony is crucial to a successful marriage. While you are not religiously obligated to comply with such requests, it is often beneficial to consider them in the spirit of mutual respect and understanding.
In summary:
- Obedience in Personal Matters: You are not Islamically obligated to change or return personal items like a bag, especially if it was bought with your own money and does not contravene any Islamic principles.
- Marital Harmony: While not obligatory, considering your husband’s preferences can foster a more harmonious relationship. Both spouses should respect each other’s autonomy and preferences.
- Consultation and Understanding: It is advisable to communicate openly with your husband about such requests, expressing your perspective and finding a balance that respects both parties’ feelings and preferences.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows best.