Spending on wife even if she has no other way
Question
There is a question i saw in a islamic website a men saying that he has been married for 25 years and they had three children.Now 4 months ago he has married again and after knowing this his first wife and children are angry.There are some more details.The answer given that it is not a right reason to angry with him and she can’t disobey him.If she disobey he is not obliged to spending night and money on her.So they are basically saying she can’t be angry just by saying it’s his god given right as if she is a emotionless robot and if she don’t accept your second wife and don’t listen then you don’t oblige to spend on her.Now at the age of 46 how in the world she would get money for food,living expenses,medical etc.You are indirectly forcing him that accept the second wife even she is hurt after married with him for 25 years.It sound illogical but if the situation get worse and she is ill or there is not anything for them in their house and you simply justifying he is not sinful for spending even she has no other way of spending as she is disobeying but she is sinful.My main question is there might other situation where they can have quarrel and according to many website i have seen these if wife doesn’t listen you are not obliged to spend on her.One hand islam say her financial responsibility is taken care of and she don’t have to work and change the situation if she disobey.Is any situation like in the above case that she has no other way of expenses what islam say.What kind of islam is this either force someone to do something or torture her like this that she has to accept for his expenses.
Answer
Waʿalaykum as-Salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuhu,
The scenario you’ve described raises critical questions about the balance between rights, responsibilities, and the emotional well-being of individuals within an Islamic marriage. It is essential to approach such matters with both a firm understanding of Islamic jurisprudence and an appreciation for the complexities of human emotions and relationships.
- Islamic Perspective on Multiple Marriages:
Islam permits a man to marry up to four wives, but this permission is contingent upon fairness and justice among the wives. The Qur’ān explicitly states:
“But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one…” (Surah An-Nisāʾ, 4:3).
This verse emphasizes that fairness is a critical condition for a man who chooses to have more than one wife. Fairness here refers not only to material provisions but also to emotional support, kindness, and equitable treatment. - The Right to Be Upset:
While it is a man’s right to marry more than one wife, this does not negate the emotional realities and challenges that such a decision can bring to the first wife and the children. They are human beings with feelings, and it is natural for them to experience emotions like hurt, anger, or disappointment when faced with such a significant change in their family dynamics. Even the noble wives of the Prophet (ṣallAllāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) at times experienced strong emotions, despite their elevated status and piety.
Islam encourages understanding, compassion, and communication within the family. The Prophet Muhammad (ṣallAllāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) emphasized kind treatment towards one’s wives, and he himself was known for his deep empathy and concern for their feelings.
- Obligations Toward the First Wife:
Even if a wife is upset or struggling to accept her husband’s decision to marry again, it does not automatically absolve the husband of his financial responsibilities toward her. The financial obligation (nafaqah) is a duty that the husband owes to his wife as long as she remains in the marriage, regardless of the emotional circumstances.
To suggest that a wife is not entitled to support because she is upset or finds it difficult to accept a second marriage oversimplifies and misapplies Islamic principles. Islam does not condone the neglect or emotional harm of any spouse.
- Addressing Disobedience (Nushūz):
The concept of disobedience in marriage, known as nushūz, is often misunderstood. It refers to a serious and deliberate refusal by the wife to fulfill her marital obligations, such as leaving the marital home without a valid reason or denying the husband his rights without justification. However, expressing hurt or anger at a significant life change, such as the husband’s remarriage, should not be conflated with nushūz. - Islamic Approach to Dispute Resolution:
Islam advocates for resolving marital disputes with wisdom and patience. The Qur’ān instructs couples to seek reconciliation through dialogue and mediation if conflicts arise (Surah An-Nisāʾ, 4:35). The aim should always be to preserve the family unit and maintain harmony, rather than resorting to punitive measures. - The Importance of Compassion:
Islamic teachings emphasize the importance of compassion, mercy, and understanding in all relationships. The Prophet Muhammad (ṣallAllāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.” (Tirmidhi)
This ḥadīth underscores the significance of treating one’s family with the utmost kindness and consideration.
Conclusion:
While a man has the right to marry more than one wife, this right must be exercised with justice, compassion, and a deep awareness of the emotional impact on all family members. The first wife’s feelings and well-being must be respected, and her financial rights must be upheld, even if she is struggling to accept the new marriage.
If the situation becomes severe and a wife feels neglected or mistreated, she has the right to seek guidance from knowledgeable scholars or pursue a divorce (khulʿ) if necessary. However, it is always recommended to seek reconciliation and mutual understanding to preserve the sanctity of the marriage and the well-being of all involved.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows best.