Pregnancy manipulated husband to get pregnant

06 Jun 2024 Ref-No#: 6188

Assalāmu `alaikum
I married my husband thanks to our parents.
I was only 16 but it was my decision. My husband was older, 26. But to me it wasn’t an issue while for him it was.
So despite living together he wanted us to sleep in separate rooms. He wanted me to finish school first and study at university before having children. I also agreed with the plan.
To make it short, he is really really great. Like I got super lucky. Kind, smart, good job etc.
So after only a few month I started to feel I wanted kids. I spoke to him about it but he refused. He kept mentioning I was too young.
And this is what I did which is very bad. I knew he found me pretty and I used it so we would have intimacy. Yes I manipulated him. But I felt it was for something good.
And praise be to Allah, I am now pregnant.
He is super mad at me because he says it looks super bad on him. Because I’m so young etc. But all the family is happy actually. It’s only him.
Now he tries to avoid me, speak only the minimum. I was afraid he would want to divorce so I asked him, but he doesn’t want that.
So I don’t know to do now. Yes I did something bad, but having a child is really a chance and he should be grateful.

What’s your opinion ? I feel only the Coran can change the mind of this stubborn man. But I am lost.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

Wa ‘alaykum us-salāmu wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister, it sounds like you are in a difficult situation. Here are some advise that will help you navigate through this challenge:

Understanding What is the Error:

  • The arrival of every child is ultimately ordained by Allāh (SWT). You are not to be blamed for bringing this child into the world. It is a gift from Allāh, and raising this child well will be a source of great reward.
  • The mistake is that you employed a manipulative method to conceive the child.

 

Acknowledging Your Mistake:

  • You’ve already recognized that manipulating your husband was wrong. This is a good first step. Deception and manipulation have no place in a Muslim marriage.

 

Seeking Forgiveness:

  • Seek forgiveness from Allāh for your actions. Make sincere repentance (tawbah) and ask Allāh to guide you both towards a better path.

 

Forgive Yourself:

  • Once you have sought forgiveness from Allāh, forgive yourself and do not continue to blame yourself for the manipulation. Remember, it was the decree of Allāh that the child should be created and live in the world at this time. The child’s sustenance was already written before the creation of the heavens and earth.

 

Open Communication:

  • Talk openly and honestly with your husband. Express your remorse for your actions and explain your desire for a happy family life.
  • Listen to his concerns. He might be worried about your well-being, your education, or the financial responsibility of a child. He may also be concerned about himself, in which case you can help him overcome his anxiety and fears.

 

Making Dua:

  • Pray to Allāh for guidance, understanding, and a happy family life.

 

Seeking Support:

  • Your husband’s feelings and concerns are valid. Open communication is key to moving forward as a team.
  • If needed, consider involving a trusted Imam or counselor who can assist you through this difficulty.

Importance of Patience:

  • Building a strong marriage takes time and patience. Trust in Allāh and have faith that things will work out.

May Allāh grant you both patience, wisdom, and a loving family life.

 

 

  • Hidden
  • Hidden
  • Hidden