Parents not doing anything for Marriage
Dear Mufti sb,
Asalamu Alaikum,
Im 33 years old, well earned with total 4Siblings(2sis-2bro). My twin sister was married but separated after 1 year. I knew my parents r lazy for marital concerns. I started to ask my mother 8 years ago but Still now, I even av never been engaged to anyone. I never have any relations with any girl, yet bad feelings kills me inside about opposite gender sometimes. My mother seems to be lazy and always Asking me that When time comes, Allah will do easily or arrange for me and if i tell her, i like someone then she denies without even asking. i told her to go in my cousin for this , but she went so late that Others had already arranged marriage for cousin and this happened 2-3 times.
But my question is, Allah has my Qadr decided as well and I believe that we have to try first then leave it on Allah, Here my family try 10% each year but results r Zero.. each year time passes and passes. Im getting depress each year, Sometimes I get started against my mother that she is wrong to believe this that Allah will arrange himself easily in time(since we need to tie Camel first then believe in Allah). Are my parents held responsible for my Qadr in this case? they wont want to make me marry on my likeness. or they dont effort for it, while the blame and leave everything on Allah. I sometimes got so depressed that I even yell or get rude to her or my father(who works abroad)… Please guide me what should be my behaviour with my parents (about my marriage concern) and how should i control myself specifically in this case infront of my parents. I’m so sad and sometimes angry about my patents and felt like they even do not believe properly in making effort to get this done rather blaming Allah ,that i should ask him, He is making it late for me(while actually my parents r not looking or arranging for me due to laziness)……. I feel inner guilt of myself… I know my rude behaviour unpleased Allah… Please Help!
Answer
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
We pray to Allah and place our trust in Him for everything that we do. But with that, we also make an effort. No one sits at home and thinks that ‘When (the) time comes, Allah will easily arrange my income and food for me’. Rather, a person goes out to work and earn, whilst placing his reliance on Allah.
In the same way, effort needs to be made. You need to look for a girl to marry. A person cannot sit back and then blame Taqdeer, when nothing takes place.
As you are aging, it is understandable that you will become more depressed. Whilst we do not justify the outbursts that you have with your parents, we can understand the desperation.
We advise that you try to speak to your parents in a decent manner and explain to them your grief and sentiment. You should be polite but firm. Tell them that if they are not willing to play an active part in arranging a spouse for you, then you are going to make your own arrangements.
If they do not comply, you can ask your sisters or aunts to advise on a potential and arrange for you to see her.
With that, you should pray two Rakats of prayer and implore Allah to guide you to someone compatible.