My Best Friend Says She’s Gay
My best friend and I were both born and raised Muslim. And both hijabis. However, our relationships to Islam are different and I always find my self tip toeing over certain topics like the LGBTQ. I’m afraid that her parents tainted her views on Islam. And even though she still fasts and wears hijab and prays, im not sure if that’s just to make her parents happy or for the sake of Allah. For the past few years, she’s been expressing her feelings towards certain matters like being gay, pronouns, and any other thing LGBTQ related. And even if Islam and Queer people can coexist. For me, my beliefs correlate with Islam directly. Of course you can like the same gender but not act upon it but she doesn’t seem to understand whenever I say that. Rather feels like it makes no sense because you can’t control how you feel and you shouldn’t have to hide who you are. Basically it’s a very western and Gen z way of thinking now a days. But besides this, she is such an amazing and terrific best friend and we’ve shared each other struggles to one another. She’s someone I can’t see losing. However, recently she’s been hinting that she may be gay or bi and I’m honestly been running away from that convo because I’m afraid of saying the wrong things and eventually losing her. How do I Islamically explain views on LGBTQ without causing her to drift away from me and Allah? Keep in mind, she already is someone who’s been questioning? I hope this made sense and I’m sorry because I know it’s a lot to read.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Dear daughter,
Our life is a test but it is saddening to say that the test of your generation is the toughest. May Allah protect you, our youth and bless them with Jannah.
It is that tough time about which our holy prophet ﷺ warned;
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ سَيَأْتِي عَلَى النَّاسِ سَنَوَاتٌ خَدَّاعَاتُ يُصَدَّقُ فِيهَا الْكَاذِبُ وَيُكَذَّبُ فِيهَا الصَّادِقُ وَيُؤْتَمَنُ فِيهَا الْخَائِنُ وَيُخَوَّنُ فِيهَا الْأَمِينُ وَيَنْطِقُ فِيهَا الرُّوَيْبِضَةُ قِيلَ وَمَا الرُّوَيْبِضَةُ قَالَ الرَّجُلُ التَّافِهُ فِي أَمْرِ الْعَامَّةِ
سنن ابن ماجه كتاب الفتن باب شدة الزمان: 4036
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Years of treachery will come over people in which liars are believed and the truthful are denied, the deceitful are trusted and the trustworthy are considered traitors, and the disgraceful will deliver speeches.” It was said, “Who are the disgraceful?” The Prophet ﷺ said, “Petty men with authority over the common people.”
Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 4036.
And you, our future is the target of all this deception and lies.
Now there are a few things that need to be understood;
1: Allah almighty owns us, controls us and decides from the number our breaths to each and every of our matter.
2: In his infinite wisdom and mercy, Allah almighty has reserved legislation in the important matters of mankind for himself in the best interest of the whole of humanity and not in the interest of a person or a family or a group or even a country. On the other hand if it is left to us humans, who see only a pixel in the picture, the law of the jungle would prevail, only ruthless self interest will be applied leaving humanity suffering.
3: Islam does not suppress nature rather celebrates and channelises it. Sexuality is a natural need and Islamic code for sexuality is well thought out, divine, flawless and a foundation for worldly contentment and warrants a successful hereafter. The first concept in Islamic sexuality is covering one’s star i.e. private parts.
There’s no satr between spouses other than that there’s a different satr for different people. Hence there is no place for lesbianism or any form of homosexuality or illicit heterosexuality in Islam.
Allah says in the Holy Quran:
“اَتَاۡتُوۡنَ الذُّکۡرَانَ مِنَ الۡعٰلَمِیۡنَ”
وَ تَذَرُوۡنَ مَا خَلَقَ لَکُمۡ رَبُّکُمۡ مِّنۡ اَزۡوَاجِکُمۡ ؕ بَلۡ اَنۡتُمۡ قَوۡمٌ عٰدُوۡنَ. ”
..
“قَالَ اِنِّیۡ لِعَمَلِکُمۡ مِّنَ الۡقَالِیۡنَ ”
Do you approach only males (to satisfy your sexual desire) from amongst the people of the world;
And you leave your wives your Lord has created for you? You are rather of those who exceed bounds (in transgression).
(Lut [Lot]) said: ‘No doubt I am of those who are disgusted by your practice.
ash-Shu‘ara’
4: Regarding desires Allah almighty says :
“أَفَرَأَيْتَ مَنِ اتَّخَذَ إِلَٰهَهُ هَوَاهُ وَأَضَلَّهُ اللَّهُ عَلَىٰ عِلْمٍ وَخَتَمَ عَلَىٰ سَمْعِهِ وَقَلْبِهِ وَجَعَلَ عَلَىٰ بَصَرِهِ غِشَاوَةً فَمَن يَهْدِيهِ مِن بَعْدِ اللَّهِ ۚ أَفَلَا تَذَكَّرُونَ
[ الجاثية: 23]
Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, and Allah has sent him astray due to knowledge and has set a seal upon his hearing and his heart and put over his vision a veil? So who will guide him after Allah? Then will you not be reminded?”
We are living in a world where one controls feelings that are against the laws of the country but not those that are against the laws of the creator, our sustainer and that of the universe.
Desires cannot overrule principles.
A bully must change his nature and not cause others discomfort. Children by nature have no concept of ownership, but they must learn not to take others’ things without permission. If a person thinks himself to be the president of a country no one accepts it. If one gets the impulse to kill or steal etc would he ever consider himself a killer or a thief?
Likewise feelings of transgression against God almighty, instinctive or nurtured can and should be controlled. For fighting and controling these type of transgressing feelings, Allah the all Merciful rewards the one who persevere.
Satan is our age old, diligent enemy never losing hope in diverting us from our path, our goal and our lord. This accursed due to his jealousy with us wants to destroy as many of us as possible. Satan swore that he will try every possible course of action, leaving no opportunity unexplored, in his pursuit of our failure, in distancing us from our fitrah i.e. natural disposition and cutting us off from our benevolent lord. Those who try to overpower him are the real heroes.
5: The over sexualisation, has caused people wanting more and unique sexual experiences. First, people were made to loose interest in homes. Spouses and family life was portrayed as boring and repulsive. Extramarital affairs were made to look cool. Nude pictures and different forms of pornography were made easily accessible. Now new definitions for sexual orientation are made the norm.
Will it stop here?
Will man not stoop lower? And popularize gaining pleasure from forced sex or normalize incest or beastality?
Can the advocate of these ideas not claim them to be natural?
6: Mankind and our society exists and flourishes only if it gets new blood, new children. Sexual relationships are not just a source of fulfilling ones desires. In fact it is the main reason behind our existence. Can this transgression ever warrant a thriving society? Can homosexuality promise us a future? If not, then this practice is not nature. It is engineered. To murder all humanity.
But our all-wise lord guides us in all respects. Our lifeline and that of humans and humanity lies in educating ourselves in how to obey Him.
Praying for your friend and all our vulnerable youth to be protected from the deception of satanic forces. Anything that is associable with whatever form and degree of non-belief and sin, is an invitation to Satan to act. And all effort is in making this the norm.
We will strongly advise that you attach yourself to people of knowledge and piety to be saved from the treachery of the satanic forces.
Make lots of dua for your friend and try to make her see the truth. May Allah jalla jalaluhu help you. Aameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best