Mother in law
My mother in law is very mean to me, one day she acts nice the other day she doesn’t, she also likes to gossip about her family, but at the same time acts all religious.
She treats me poorly, she always has something to complain about me, she acts as if it’s my job to serve her, ask her permission and involve her in my private matters. She has also been rude to my mom and says rude stuff about my family as well.
I try not to talk back to her because that is not my upbringing. She expects I comply and bow my head let her abuse me whenever she wants. She acts like a victim when my husband stands up for me. She also behind my back around people talks lies and bad about me.
What should I do? I would never expect my husband to shut his own mother out? But what about me? Am I suppose to just let her abuse and oppress me? Shouldn’t my husband do something about it?
I want to separate from her, meet her less and call her less for my own sake.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected sister,
Reading about the test you are in at the moment hurts. Life is a test, to pass and upgrade to jannah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala bring ease and aafiah in your life.
You have a right to dignity. If your mother in law is, as you described then define boundaries. Islam gives you the right to a separate living. If your husband can afford a separate house, then you can do that otherwise you can have a separate room, kitchen etc.
People in old age tend to become weak physically and insecure emotionally hence corrupted.
Respecting older people, maintaining ties, patience responding with dignity and love, obedience to husband and elders and bringing harmony in homes and society are Islamic Hallmarks, please stick to them during your tests in life to attain Allah’s pleasure.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best