Marriage
Assalamualaikum,
Sorry for the long post but im helpless.
I am a 22 year old guy from India planning to pursue my higher studies in the west InshaAllah from this August. I’m however afraid (really afraid) I will fall into fitnah (women) when I go to the university. Hence, I strongly wish to get married before going to US ( at least have my nikah done so I can talk on phone at least with my wife when I’m in University). I have not directly told them I want to get married due to the aforementioned reasons, but I did give them a hint that I’d like to get married which made them angry ( they think I’ll not be able to concentrate in my studies if I get married…..but what they don’t know is that if I dont get married their son will fall into major sins and not concentrate in his studies as a result). Another reason they told was that I have no job so how will I look after her. I told them all I want is a nikah and not walima and she can stay at her place until I finish my studies ( one year InshaAllah), but they won’t allow that.
I am sorry I am saying this but I want to make you understand my present situation. I am filled with so much lust that I can literally feel it running through my blood (especially when I go to bed and also at other times). Im really afraid I’ll fall into Haram acts most of the youth are falling into today. I’m really afraid if I’ll runn out of sabr Nauzubillah may Allah protect me from such calamities befalling me.
I would like to know what can I do in this situation. Also can I get some amals and wazifas I can do to get married quickly before going to the University so that I can safeguard my imaan at the campus and also some wazifas to change my parents heart.
Sorry once again for the long post. But I am really desperate for the answer. I have posted the same question to many sheiks but none of them replied. I hope you will reply to my question soon.
JazakAllah khair,
A desperate servant of Allah
Answer
WaʿAlaykumus Salām Wa Raḥmatullāhi Wa Barakātuh
From the very onset, it should be noted that Nikāḥ is not as simple as marrying someone and staying separate. It involves the fulfillment of rights which may be in the form of sexual needs as well as the basic and financial needs of one’s spouse.
It is not advisable to marry a woman thinking of one’s own circumstances of not being able to control the carnal desires but to also be considerate of the woman that he intends to marry.
To marry someone as a means of protection against evil and vice whilst being physically distant from her is not ideal since it still leaves room for many challenges. For example, what would happen in the case where a man marries and stays abroad for some time? Can it be said that he is fully protected from evil and vice for the mere fact that he made Nikāḥ with a particular woman?
The issue here is not marriage, but rather the taming of one’s carnal desires.
We advise that, prior to studying abroad, you work on trying to curb the sexual desires and to manage them accordingly, whilst also trying to progress spiritually by fasting regularly and keeping close contact with some local upright, religious, and pious personalities.