Low Iman, Wasawis
Assalamu alaikum wr wb Respected Shiekh
I was a very devoted Muslimah, who Alhamdulillah did everything for the pleasure of Allah. My heart was free from jealousy, I was not much attached to worldly things but now from past 2 n half years,I don’t find much devotion within me. Alhamdulillah, I offer Salah on time do azkaar dialy n Alhamdulillah I complete 1 Juz everyday but sometimes I’ve to force myself to do, that was not the case with me. I get worst wasawis from shaitan sometimes my brain becomes blank I often get serious doubts about Islam my heart has hardened I feel my Iman has become even lower than last year’s. Sometimes I do things for show off n not for Allah. Before covid Alhamdulillah I had been to Umrah for the first time. Everyone cries at the sight of the blessed House, but unfortunately that was not the case with me(even though I will be at the verge of crying) my brother who never cries was welled up with tears. On the way back home from Madinah Munawwara my parents n brother had fever but I didn’t. I’ve heard that if we fall sick on our return, it’s a sign of our acceptance of Umrah (often I think Allah doesn’t like me or I’m under black magic)
I want to to Bait but I don’t know how, as for men it’s easy to meet Ulama,Shiekh be in their company n all but it’s not possible for girls. I want to proceed in Jamaat but girls can’t proceed for more than 3 days n that to once in 3 months (Alhamdulillah I’ve been with my parents few months back but in our locality rarely Masturat Jamaat is formed). I’m too egoistic n nowadays I’ve become stingy n miser. I don’t know to fight shaitaan sometimes I feel I should sleep forever to overcome wasawis n serious doubts in Islam.
Repected Shiekh please pray for my hidayat n please guide me what to do? How can I become a spiritually alive person.
Jazakallahu khairan Kaseeran kaseera Respected Shiekh.
Sorry for a lengthy message, Shiekh.
Wa ʿAlaykumus Salām Wa Raḥmatullāhī Wa Barakātuh
We commend you for putting forth your concerns with regard to your spiritual well-being.
Your concerns alone are evidence that the quality of your Imān had not decreased and that your heart remains soft.
Had your Imān decreased and your heart hardened, you would have not felt such concern.
It is a well-known fact that Shayṭān attempts to mislead only those who have Imān because those who did not embrace Imān are already misled.
We advise that you pay no attention to what has passed and become focused on moving forward in terms of spiritual growth.
You may consider taking Bay’ah (pledging allegiance) to a Sheikh (a spiritual mentor).
It should be noted that the Bay’ah is done verbally unlike in the case of men.
After successfully taking Bay’ah, it is not necessary to meet the Sheikh but to rather write to him or speak to him over the phone.
One benefit of taking Bayʿah is that it assists one in remedying spiritual maladies such as stinginess, miserliness, being affected by the whispers of Shayṭān, etc.
If there is a genuine need to speak to him in person, then it may be permitted whilst observing the rules of Ḥijāb.
In the case of joining a Mastūrāt Jamāt, a woman is not restricted to three days. For as long as she has a Maḥram with her, she will be permitted to continue the work of Dʿawah and Tablīgh.
We also advise that you continue the good practices that you are currently involved in, and we pray that Allāh protects your Imān and grant you spiritual excellence whereby you will gain closeness to Allāh and become His beloved.