I have Committed a Major Sin of Adultery. Can I be forgiven?
Assalam alaikum , few years back in 2016-2018 i went online and met a guy from an app called meet me . at first i was just chatting then suddenly gave my number when he ringed i passed the phone to my friend and they spoke for about 5 minutes saying that we were in class. i saw the way she spoke very confidently and wanted to do the same as she told me she went out with a guy and have wines together. After meeting with this guy he would always ask me for money i would take out from my wallet or my parents wallet , and sex at his home but force with this continued for 2 years. i did not enjoy it. but i felt he was the only person that acccepted me for who i am because all my friends would get bored or make fun of me because i would stand out different i was born with a learning disability so it made it hard to understand life events and everything in general. now that i am married for nearly a year now my husband would question me about my virginity i finally did confess it . He wanted divorcement and to tell my parents about the whole situation . he told me i had destroyed his life. He now says he doesnt have a heart to love will need time. he says im keeping you with me for allah only . and thats a big lift on his shoulder but he wants me to practice islam to do tobve and for us to go to hajj , as the mahr is canceled. I can’t look my religious parents in the eye after all of the horrible things I’ve done. I deeply regret what I did, and if I could I would go back in the past and change it. and I can’t handle the stress and anxiety. I can’t enjoy doing anything anymore. me and my husband cant stop crying. how do i make him love me again? at truly believe my situation happened by force . as i have told him i met the guy from my friend as she spoke to him first . i didnt mention about the stealing money part or meeting him online. i have already sweared to god the information shared with him is true. i even sweared to the holy quran . i am just seeking help on how to live. and how can i make it easier on my husband ? Thank you very much.
Answer
Wa ʿAlaykumus Salām Wa Raḥmatullāhi Wa Barakātuh
As a Muslimah, it is necessary to believe in the mercy and forgiveness of Allāh ﷻ which is unlimited, unlike that of human nature.
Allāh’s ﷻ forgiveness is not dependent on the forgiveness of another, and in no way restricted. Allāh ﷻ forgives whomsoever he wishes. Allāh ﷻ has and will continue to forgive all those who have sinned to a much greater extent than any human being.
It should be noted that sins which are committed between oneself and Allāh ﷻ should not be made known to others. Going forward, refrain from bringing up matters of the past and making confessions.
Always remember, the quality of a believer is such that whenever she slips up, then there is repentance and forgiveness, but never should the sin hold one back.
It is, indeed, the ploy of Shayṭān that he allows the past to come up and also to play on one’s mind as a deterrent from spiritual progression.
After seeking forgiveness from Allāh ﷻ, you should move forward and work towards improving your relationship with Allāh ﷻ, for most definitely Allāh ﷻ is waiting on you in this regard.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“My Lord says, ‘If My slave comes nearer to me for a handspan, I go nearer to him for a cubit; and if he comes nearer to Me for a cubit, I go nearer to him for the span of outstretched arms; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’” [Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī]
With respect to your husband, such information is naturally disturbing to one’s spouse and this aspect should be understood. It may be difficult for him to accept now, but In Shā Allāh, he will become more understanding and life will carry on, you should continue striving in your Islām and in your marriage.
May Allāh ﷻ ease your situation, bless you in your marriage and increase the love between you and your husband.