Assalam u alaikum
I am a sister
First of all i am going to fair with you. I came through a boy whom with we have family terms but our castes are different. During first 2 years all went good. Then the boy asked me to send his parents to my house. It was 2018. After that my parents made many excuses to delay this matter. Such as our age, our studies, boy’s income, his maturity etc. I made sure to respect my parent’s decision high at any cost. I love my parents alot They loved me too. During this entire time i made istikhara many times I used to offer namaz e hajat also. During this time all of my parent’s concerns are now removed. The boy is now stable, pious, compatible and muture enough and he still wants to marry me So do i. But now my parent’s only concern is his caste. They say that it would be shame for them to give their daughter out of caste. This entire time i tried so hard not to involve in any kind of sinful act. I repent. I still ask for Allah’s forgiveness and i am very much concern about halal and haram, that’s why i tried to keep things’s halal.
Last year after seeing my mother seeing crying i just left everything. And tried to focus on studies, after completion of studies now i am teaching in girls school. But i could not forget him and i dont think i would because i am trying since 1.5 years and i had not.
Now my questions are.
1. If i made decision of accepting my parent’s decision and marry someone else. And i won’t forget him after marriage so what does islam say regarding this matter. Still today i use to cry all nights long. I also watched videos of mufti menk in which he said not to do such foolish things so that you may not destroy lives after. Another thing is that i can not even help myself to think of marrying someone else.
2. If i decide to marry him And take stand for myself respectfully in front of my parents. Does this make me a sinful person? And would Allah punish me for this. Because still my mother is in very bad condition i can not see her like that. My father whom i loved most told me that he is upset and regrets me that i am her daughter. My mother is also cursing me.
3. If i decide not to marry anyone. In this case i fear that i would get into more sinful acts. Because since last year i felt need of masturbation too. Which is scaring me to death.
I am a religious girl and i want to do everything in the guidance of Islam
During this time i used to do istikhara and i saw a dream that i am marrying someone else and i am crying alot and i am screaming that i don’t want to go.
Few days back i also saw a dream that i am getting married to the guy i love and i am happy in this marriage.
Please guide me through it. Your detailed answer would be appreciated.
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
It is pleasing to note that you broke off contact with the boy, and we are glad to learn that you have considered your parent’s feelings for such a lengthy period. Since you have repented for the contact that you had for the boy, Allah has forgiven you.
Sister, marriage is a huge step, and you will have to live with the one you marry for the rest of your life. Besides just the relationship between spouses, a person will have lots of interaction and meetings with one’s in-laws. It is important to keep this in mind.
Furthermore, at this stage, you are only considering marriage, yet your parents are already expressing their anger towards you. What will be their reaction if you do go ahead with this marriage? If they are already cursing you at this stage, and even expressing the regret of having you as a daughter, we shudder to think what they will do if you marry this person!
Since the castes are different, will that affect the lifestyle and habits which you are accustomed to?
These are a few points which you really need to ponder over, and also discuss with some seniors and wise people, who know your parents. Please do not base the important decision of marriage only on emotion or desire. There is much more to marriage than just that.
After considering the aforementioned, if you still feel it in your best interest to marry this particular individual, then you should see if it is an option to get a close relative or respectable person in the community to discuss with your parents.
As an adult female, you have the right of entering the marriage without the consent of your parents. But there is so much to consider, which all impacts your life, your husband’s life, and will ultimately one day affect the lives of your children.
Irrespective of who you decide to marry, you will not be sinful. However, there will be repercussions, as stated above.
The best is to make Mashwara (discuss) with those who know your parents and well, and are acquainted with the social customs and practices in your community. They will be in the best position to advise you on the way forward. Thereafter, make Isitkhara one last time.
In the meantime, continuously cry and pray to Allah after every prayer, and in the last portion of every night.
To control your desires, try to keep as much fasts as possible. When a person is hungry, there is less chance to fall into sin