27 Nov 2018 Ref-No#: 1199

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I would like clarification on this matter. I am currently in the stage of speaking to a potential for marraige purposes only. This potentials circumstances to many women may not be seen as ‘ideal’. However if i am able to get clarification then i am also able to come to a decision.

His mother has passed away and living wise it is him, his father and disabled brother. And he also has a son from a previous marraige who comes to stay on weekends.

Now the disabled brother is not able to take care of himself at all, and he does need care all day and someone will need to be there with him all day. Also as far as im aware i will not need to cover infront of him as he has no desire for lust? Is this correct?

This potential has asked if i would be willing to look after his brother, by look after he means if he is out at work..  i will be at home to care of him, change him etc

I am almost 33 and i have considered this potential however can you please tell me the ruling on caring for one who has disability? Is it permissable for me? Is it permissable for me to change/clean him as he has no control over himself and needs cleaning and changing?  Would i be allowed to change him? Please can you advise urgently as it will help me in making my decision. And i have said to the potential i need time as i am unsure of ruling and want to get clarification for myself.

Please help and advise.

Your sister in Islam.


Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

You have not explained the disability of your prospective brother in law. However, if there is any possibility of him having sexual feelings, desires, fantasies or thoughts, then you will have to veil yourself fully from him. Generally, even if his disability is mental, mentally handicapped people do feel attraction to the opposite sex. Thus, you will need confirmation on this, and cannot just assume that he has no lust or desire.

If you are sure that he has absolutely no sexual feelings and desires, then it will be permissible to unveil your face, hands and feet infront of your brother in law, as mentioned in verse 31 of Surah an-Nur.

As for you assisting with your brother in law, then it is possible that you can get aroused. Hence, if his limbs are normal, then it will not be permissible for you to change him. The laws of Hurmah Musaaharah are strict, and if any unintentional desire comes about, it will break your Nikah with your husband and you will not be able to get back to him. Thus, it is best to maintain utmost caution in that regard.

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