Am i being fair?

21 Jan 2020 Ref-No#: 2350

Salam, I’m in desperate need of advice
I’ve been with a guy for a year and a half and we committed alot of sins but hamdoullah we have repented
I’m his first love since we were in middle school and now that we’re almost out if college we got together, this guy loves me very deeply and I do love him too
I love his character he has really good manners and how he treats his family and how well he treats me I feel blessed
The problem is that sometimes I get overwhelmed and take his treatment for granted and be hard on him till he breaks down
I feel really bad for everything that I’ve caused him and repented from it but he loves me still if not even more
Our parents knows about us and we are planning to get married once we get a job in the following year inshaAllah
My questions are, is it sinful for my part that I might not love him as much as he does? ( if we ever get married)
And any advice for not taking a loved one ( specifically a spouse) for granted?
And I feel like my feelings got calmer after we repented, is it possible that feelings or love changes after one commits sins?
I want to marry him because of how good of character he is and how well he treats me and values me, is this selfish or not fair towards him?
I really want to be the best I can be to him and to give him all his rights once we get married inshaAllah please advice me


Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Alhamdulillah, Allah Ta’ala has blessed you with the opportunity to repent.

You should note that Islamically, it is not permissible for a person to intermingle with the opposite gender. To complete your repentance, you need to break off all contact with this person until you get married.

You can already see from this very situation, that because of being in contact with each other, you got caught up in sins. It is very possible that Shaytaan (the devil) can again become between you two, and cause you to fall into sin again. Hence Allah says,

ولا تقربوا الزنا إنه كان فاحشة وساء سبيلا

“Do come even close to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil path” (Surah al-Israa / 32).

We do not know whether he is destined to marry you in the future, or whether Allah has destined someone else to be your life partner. Hence, you cannot become close to him from now, on the mere assumption that he will be your husband in future.

Do not be carried away by how he treats you now. Together with breaking all contact with him, make Dua to Allah that He blesses you with him only if he will benefit you in your Deen and Dunya.

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